Forever Holiday

I would like to write something before this year ends. Writing I can evaluate things I did and it helps me to understand what should be done in the new year. I must be honest and I have to start saying what I really think of this last year. It has been beautiful and the most important ever. I feel lucky to have reached a lot of achievements and to have given proof of my ability. It is so important, especially to me.

This year is still constantly evolving even while I am writing. I remember how this year began and also how the last one ended. I spent the last night of last year planning my first trip in London of 2012. It was worth it. The day before the departure something of unexpected happened! This year began with something of unpredictable. An interview with artist Giusy Pirrotta was already scheduled in London and I had to find someone to replace the person who could not come with me due to a trouble that I can not say how much it was real or not. The morning after I was at the airport with Mattia, a friend of mine who became the most pleasant trip mate of the year by chance.
     Meeting Giusy was my first big test and it means a lot to me. At that time I tested my skills and it represents the first proof of confidence in my work by people from the art world. But most important it was the first step of a path I would have chosen to follow a couple of months later.
     Once back at home I bought a MacBook Pro that has become my greatest resource after my resourcefulness. Even before to unwrap it I took a train to Bologna where I went to visit Arte Fiera, meet people and doing another step on the way to enter the art field.
     I remember February as a sad time. I was graduated from six months and I could not see perspectives. There were a lot of art activities but I could not have many expectations on them for my future. Spending a night with friends in Reggio Emilia I was not able to see anything good in my future.
     I went to Rome and as usual I felt good at the museum. Then I went to Milan. It was different from all the other times. I decided to leave. When I performed with Marina Abramović my departure was already booked. Unpredictably, I had to leave earlier than ten days because of an invitation from Tate. I packed my luggages and left for real. I had to leave. I left my home to find myself, to recover my dignity, to grow up and make me new.

London: how many things I did, how many things I learned. I had nice moments as well as difficult ones but each of them was so significant. How long will I remember my time in London?
     The invitation for the Red Mansion Art Prize. I was invited by an artist involved in the exhibition. A great evidence of everything I did until then had been right. I saw Zaha Hadid for the very first time.
     It was really cold at CSM Interim Show in Bermondsey in May. But if I am not wrong V22 gallery is in the same place where Damien Hirst held his very first exhibition.
     I was not saving energy and a night at Whitechapel Gallery became the hardest night as a londoner ever. I went back home by my last energy and I went to sleep with temperature. However, I did not give up because I did not go so far from my homeplace to give up.
     Summer arrived and my health recovered. I spent a whole afternoon at CSM Degree Show but I did not find what I supposed to find.
     My three-month English course was coming to an end when I went to Elephant & Castle at SuJeong's house with Seah. There are so many nice people in the world, why should I stay here waiting to meet them by chance? I prefer to go all around the world to meet them as soon as possible. That is what I like to do!
     At the beginning of August I joined a four-hour queue to meet Mr.Brainwash, say something unpleasant to him and get a signature. The first 250 visitors would have get a limited edition print. I was the 243rd. But I did not get my print yet. Fucking Americans!
     My time in London was ended, I had reached my goals and I went to Turnpike Lane to say goodbye to the person who helped me the most to take the decision to move to London five months before. The morning after I changed five buses to went back home. It was worth it staying till dawn.
     I said goodbye to all my friends and on September 7th I left London going back to Italy. It was still hot in Italy but even there summer was ending. I was going to live the third winter in a row.

What happened after I signed the Frieze contract.
     The day before leaving London I attended an interview at Frieze headquarter. Two weeks later I went back home Frieze offered me the position of Press Assistant at Frieze Art Fair 2012. It was a dream coming true. Just other two weeks at home and I would have been in London again. Finally I got a job in London. At one of the three most important art fairs in the world.
     However, there was a meeting to attend before leaving Italy. I went to Milan and I met two art curators that worked for last year Venice Biennale. We talked about my art projects and I had some very good tips that night as well as a great chance to meet established people I was dreaming to talk to since several months.
     I was ready to go to London for the fourth time this year but just a couple of days before taking the plane I received an e-mail from New York. One of the several contests I entered some months before went well and one of my paintings had been selected to be displayed at NURTUREart 2012 Benefit in New York. I would have dealt with it as soon as I would be back home after Frieze.

What happened after I went back to London to work at Frieze.
     Firstly, I met my friends Kana and Takeshi that hosted me for ten days while I was working at the fair. They are the best people I met in London so far and my thanks to them will never be enough. I slept on their living room floor for ten nights: I called it Japanese style sleeping. The second day they offered me to join them in their bed but I refused. I was living my long-time dream and I wanted to have Japanese friends since I was a child. That is the reason why sleeping on the floor was not a problem at all. During those days I felt the happiest man on Earth. I can say that the week I worked at Frieze has been the best time in my life.
     I was hosted in Chalk Farm that is ten minutes walk from Regents Park, where Frieze was placed. Every morning I got up and walked through Regents Park until Frieze tent. It was such a lovely time!! I did not complain even when it was raining, I did not have an umbrella, I slipped on the sidewalk hitting my knee and I got home completely wet.
     As Press Assistant at Frieze Press Office I worked with the most successful people I have ever met in the Arts field: Tate TV, RAI, MTV, Fondazione Trussardi, Fact Not Fiction Film. I met not only established people but also guys working in the arts field with same great motivation of mine. I am proud to have become friend with some of them!
     I really wanted to stay more in London but I had to pack a painting and send it from Italy to Brooklyn, USA. I just had time to have a dinner with my best friends. I was really pleased to see Sue that night.

We went to eat Korean food and while I was going back home I was so much happy that I danced!

As soon as I arrived at home in Italy I started to prepare all the documents I needed to send the painting in America. I took a train, went to Bologna at the Ministry to sign papers, went back home, called the express delivery company, packed the painting and the day after I said goodbye to the first ever painting of mine to be displayed abroad.

     Then, I was ready to took another train going to Venezia to see a friend from London! That day the weather in Venezia was worse than London raining days. Venezia was flooded!
     The weather was awful also in New York and NURTUREart annual benefit was postponed because of the hurricane Sandy!

All the Frieze energy was still in my body and I could not stay at home. So I booked another trip in northern Italy. On Thursday November 8th I spent an amazing night in Padova with artists and curators from Augmented Place exhibition. The day after I went to Turin where the Artissima week was taking place and there I spent exciting time with artists as well! Once again I had been able to be in the right place at the right time. 
     At the end of yet another trip, sitting on the train while traveling, it was very rewarding to think at all the things I had done till then, including my painting that would have been exhibited in New York very soon. Sandy was gone and the exhibition was ready to open. NURTUREart 2012 Benefit was the most successful benefit in NURTUREart's history and even ARTINFO wrote about it.

Unfortunately, not even meeting established people and having worked at Frieze helped me to find a paid job in the unbelievably still Italian job situation, so once back home I decided to write reviews of interesting exhibitions I recently visited. I love writing, especially about exhibitions that move my feelings. If I can not be paid for what I do just let me do what I like the most. In this way I kept a previous partnership with a magazine and I started two more.
     I did not wait that all of my reviews were published that I was back in London for the fifth time in a year. I had to do something I did not have chance before: I booked open days and I visited universities such as Slade School of Fine Art, Central Saint Martins and Royal College of Art. If it was the first time to enter Slade and RCA it was not for CSM. It was my aim to know better CSM and now I can say to know what I wanted. And please, let me say that for a guy from Castelnuovo Fogliani (nobody knows where it is, right? check Google Maps) like me it is a real pleasure to have friends that attended or are studying at CSM!
     Thanks to Frieze now I also have friends that work at art galleries and it was great going to visit them during their working time. They made me feel part of the art business and honestly there is not anything better for me. But a successful business needs good contacts and I have to keep fresh my ability to be in the right place at the right time. That is why on Saturday December 8th I was around Bethnal Green. Cell Project Space was my destination. To be there I did not have time to eat that day. At ten in the night I was unbelievably hungry but it was worth it!

I did everything could be done. Likely I did more than I thought it was possible to do. No. I did, definitely.

2012 - Travels I did

Jan 11-16 London - meeting Giusy Pirrotta for TalkingArt
Jan 28 Bologna - Arte Fiera
Feb 22-24 Roma - three-day trip with Martina
Mar 17-18 Venezia - Premio Arte Laguna opening night
Apr 1-3 London - Damien Hirst Press View at Tate Modern
Apr 14-Sep 7 London - studying English and having one of the best time in my life
Oct 7-16 London - working at Frieze omg
Oct 28 Venezia - getting wet with Hyun
Nov 8-11 Padova and Torino - having lovely time with artists and people from Contemporary art world
Dec 3-11 London - meeting friends all around London and thinking about my future at some great schools

2012 - Best exhibitions I visited

1 Damien Hirst, Tate Modern, London - I have been there three times: Press view + my birthday + a friend of mine paid for my third time. At the Press view I was with curator Ann Gallagher, Tate director Chris Dercon and former Tate director Nicholas Serota. Unforgettable.
2 Damien Hirst: The Complete Spot Paintings 1986-2011, Gagosian Gallery - I have been at three of them: two in London and one in Rome!
3 The Unilever Series: Tino Sehgal 2012, Tate Modern, London - I was bored and a bit lonely so I went to Tate because it is one of my favorite places in the world. I found Tino Sehgal directing a huge performance piece that involved so many people I could not count them. I do not even know how many times I saw this performance in three months... 
4 Double Carousel with Zöllner Stripes, Carsten Höller, MACRO, Roma - DOWNLOAD 6mins AUDIO from Double Carousel by Simo Monsi!!!
5 Doris Salcedo (Plegaria Muda and A Flor de Piel), White Cube, London
6 Alberto Garutti didascalia/caption, PAC Padiglione d'Arte Contemporanea, Milano
7 Tomás Saraceno On Space Time Foam, HangarBicocca, Milano
8 Leander Schwazer A symbol of freedom, Placentia Arte, Piacenza
9 The Red Mansion Art Prize 2012, Royal Academy Schools, London - I was in love that night, I was in love with art. And I can not say how many times I went there just to watch Kate Liston's Moon Rabbit.
10 Gillian Wearing, Whitechapel Gallery, London
11 Jessica Rankin 'Skyfolds 1941-2010' , White Cube, London
12 Silvia Hell A Form of History, Placentia Arte, Piacenza
13 Fabrizio Passarella Retrophuture, The Gallery Apart, Roma - I watched this video four times in a row, recorded the audio and started to listen at it obsessively since then. 

Oh, and I can not forget to mention Serpentine Gallery Pavilion 2012 by Herzog & de Meuron and Ai Weiwei! It was such a lovely place where spend a couple of hours from time to time. Sadly, summer in London has been often wet this year but fortunately next to the pavilion there was a temporary bar where I bought several hot chocolates during July raining days :) Two pictures by Sue from the pavilion!

2012 - Artists and other people I met - I was writing and I felt weird when I realized some of them has become my friends and someone else was my employer...

Marina Abramović
Stefano Arienti
Achille Bonito Oliva - he was the first person I recognized during Frieze Art Fair opening day.
Loris Cecchini
Gordon Cheung
Willem Dafoe - he performed The Abramović Method at PAC in my same group.
Chris Dercon - he introduced Damien Hirst exhibition at Tate during the Press view.
Emilia Faro - she gave me a lift to the bus stop in Torino last November.
Attilia Fattori Franchini - is she one of the cleverest young curator in London? We will see!
Debora Ferrari
Alberto Garutti
Massimiliano Gioni
Niklas Goldbach
Fulvio Guerrieri
Zaha Hadid - I saw her three times in six months...
Silvia Hell
Zhang Huan - I keep wondering if that kid who could enter Zhang Huan's exhibition opening at White Cube wearing orange crocs was his son.
IOCOSE - I can say half of them are some of the kindest people from the art field I met so far.
Kaarina Kaikkonen - she looks like a witch but I like her works.
Mr. Brainwash - he must give me that fucking limited edition print for which I stayed in a four-hour-long queue! WTF!
Hans-Ulrich Obrist - it can be understood when an exhibition is curated by him. He makes curating an art.
Aimy Palo
Fabio Paris
Yan Pei-Ming
Giusy Pirrotta
Domenico Quaranta
Leander Schwazer
Tino Sehgal
Nicholas Serota - it was nice to saw him very closely twice this year because last year I saw him in so many pictures preparing my degree thesis.
Amanda Sharp
Luca Traini
Eugenia Vanni
Liu Xiaodong 
Driant Zaneli - I would like to meet him again and have another tea together.

…and I saw Keira Knightly twice in a day… omg!

2012 - Movies I liked

Shame by Steve McQueen
The Artist by Michel Hazanavicius
Marina Abramović - The Artist is Present by Matthew Akers
Cesare deve morire by Paolo and Vittorio Taviani
Self Made by Gillian Wearing

2012 - Performances and works of art I have been involved in

Tell Gillian 2012-03-02 23:20:23, Gillian Wearing, Whitechapel Gallery, London (UK)
The Abramovic Method, Marina Abramovic, PAC Padiglione d’Arte Contemporanea, Milan (Italy)
#smilesfilm - To The Light, Yoko Ono, Serpentine Gallery, London (UK)
Work No.1197 - All The Bells, Martin Creed, United Kingdom

2012 - Published pieces of writing of mine

Londra, incontro con l'artista: Giusy Pirrotta, TalkingArt.it
A portrait of: Damien Hirst, Enquire Mag
Silvia Hell disegna una nuova mappa d'Europa, Artribune
L'utopia non è per tutti, Enquire Mag
Una nuova mappa d'Europa, JulietArtMagazine.com
L'interpretazione dell'individuo, JulietArtMagazine.com

2012 - Best moments I had

NUMBER ONE: FRIEZE ART FAIR 2012 10th Anniversary - October 8th-14th
It was very exciting when in the second half of September Frieze offered me a job and working at the fair was so rewarding but when the last minute of the last day came and I realized that Frieze would have been in my CV forever… well, I felt something somewhere between my heart and my stomach that I had never felt before in my life. Dreaming forever.
NUMBER TWO: DAMIEN HIRST exhibition Press view at Tate Modern - April 2nd
How many lines I have already written on this exhibition and how great I felt every time I visited it?!! It was just the best curating exhibition I have ever seen.
NUMBER THREE: EATING A PIZZA IN PADOVA - November 8th
I just wanted to go at the opening of Augmented Place exhibition in Padova. I met one of the curators that introduced me to one of the artists that invited me to have a pizza together with the exhibition crew and the night ended having the loveliest dinner of the year! Pizza Parmigiana rules.
NUMBER FOUR: FALLING IN LOVE IN KING'S CROSS - January 11th-16th
Well, it was my best time ever until then! I went to London to meet an artist with an MA in Fine Art from Central Saint Martins… and I was working… that day at Costa… it changed something in my mind forever.
NUMBER FIVE: THE RED MANSION ART PRIZE 2012 PRIVATE VIEW - April 19th
I was in London from less than a week and I was on the list of a Private view at the Royal Academy. I was in London because of that, honestly. It was nice to see Zaha Hadid in front of me in the crowd.
NUMBER SIX: SPERMA SELECTED FOR NURTUREart 2012 BENEFIT AT CHARLES BANK GALLERY, NEW YORK - October 3rd-November 11th
Seriously, if my first exhibition in America is at number six it is clear how amazing this year has been.
NUMBER SEVEN: MEETING LUCA TRAINI AT ASSASSIN'S CREED ART (R)EVOLUTION OPENING IN MILAN - September 20th
A long path took me in Milan that night. A path started more then a year ago at the Venice Biennale and that included a great day at Università Cattolica last March and five months in London. It has been a long path, the most enjoyable one.
NUMBER EIGHT: PERFORMING WITH MARINA ABRAMOVIĆ - March 22nd
I was a performer at Abramović's The Abramović Method at PAC, Milan. It was a unique experience to meet Marina. She has an aura. If you are in the same place at the same time as her it is possible to feel her presence even if you can not see her. Unique. And The Artist is Present movie moved me.
NUMBER NINE: MEETING A FRIEND AT GAGOSIAN GALLERY IN BRITANNIA STREET DURING Damien Hirst: The Complete Spot Paintings 1986-2011 OPENING - January 12th
That was amazing to me! I went to London to meet and interview artist Giusy Pirrotta. My friend Mattia came with me to have a couple of days off in London. The night I went to meet her Mattia and I split up and decided to see us later. I was at the opening at Gagosian Gallery trying to be as much professional as I could as an interviewer at his first experience ever when suddenly I recognized Mattia in the crowd while he was writing something on his notebook! I said something like "Sorry Giusy I saw a person I know I'm going to say hello give me a minute please". It seemed like: Oh my God, it is his first job experience abroad and he already knows that kind of people you can see at Gagosian Gallery openings… it was so funny and exciting!
NUMBER TEN: GOING TO THE PUB WITH AFF - December 8th
That night I was hungry as fuck! As I said it was worth it but I would not have been there if I had not met Paolo for a coffee in New Cross last August! That was a very nice time and to attend his talk at Chimera Q.T.E. has been just another step on my way to the future.

2012 - Other 16 unforgettable moments!

"LOADING… Videogioco, Arte, Media", Università Cattolica del Sacro Cuore, Milan - March 5th
When at Zero… in Milan the microphone hangs from the ceiling that was part of Cumulus installation by artist Michael Sailstorfer fell off and crashed to the ground while I was walking in that room with two friends of mine - March 22nd
My first day in Laytonstone, I almost cried at the supermarket. It was Tesco - April 15th
The awkward moment when Aimy left me outside the Saatchi Gallery - April 26th
"A Selected History of Abstract Film III", Whitechapel Gallery, London: watching a short abstract movie by Eggeling at the Whitechapel remembered me when I watched it for the first time a long time ago at the high school. It was so significant to me knowing my long path started to be the right one when I could not even understand it - May 3rd
Watching Self Made by Gillian Wearing at Whitechapel Gallery with Ji Won. She was so nice with me but unfortunately I got temperature that night and the only thing I could do was going home sad and very ill. We did not go out together anymore since then :( - May 11th
Those two months I lived with Sue!! - June to August
Central Saint Martins Degree Show - June 21st
The Olympics Opening Ceremony on the same day of my birthday in the city where I was living. I do not know when it will happen again. That night I did not feel lonely. I felt at the heart of the world - July 27th
Standing four hours to be the 243rd visitor at Mr.Brainwash first solo show in the UK ever! - August 5th
That crazy night in Shepherd's Bush when Neverending Studio came out from the maddest part of my mind - August 6th-7th
That afternoon I was sad, I went to Leonard Street and entered the first gallery I saw. It was the rightest one. I really don't know how things like that can happen sometimes. - August 11th
Meeting Driant Zaneli in Torino and spending lovely time with him till that moment I was too hungry to keep standing as usual! - November 10th
My first review on Artribune - December 2nd
MA AICI Degree Show Private view night at CSM! - December 4th
Drinking a hot tea with a brand new friend at Arcade during my fifth time in London this year! - December 7th

OK. It is time to sum up and make a plan.
Recently I met the greatest teacher I have ever had in my career as a student. I met him at the high school but we are in regular contact and some of the writings on art he suggests to me are often the best I could read. In the past two years we met once a year just a bit before Christmas to share ideas and talk about our activities. At the end of this year meeting he asked me: So, are you going back?

Am I going back?

Going back to London…

Living in London has been the hardest thing I have ever done. But it has been the most exciting and rewarding experience in my life as well.

I think sooner or later things will start to be better in Italy. In the last few months I met very important people. Some of them said I am good at my business and it was very gratifying to me and it makes me sure I am on the right way. Moreover, I can see I went fast so far and I seem to have done important things this year. And when you reach your aims everything becomes harder.
     I like writing on exhibitions and it gives me the opportunity to go around, meet people and make contacts as well as working at press offices. But inside of me it is not the best thing I feel I could do.
     For a reason or another I often put aside to work on my artworks but if there is something that gives me positive energy is that. What to do then? Desire for independence is increasing. However, where can I go without money?
     Anyway, one of my intention for 2013 is to go and live somewhere far from my home for at least six months. Going back to London? Maybe more distant. I would like to go around the world and see many things I have never seen. Above all because visiting new places I could discover they are better than all those I have already seen. Australia is fashionable but I do not feel it right for me. Maybe Korea or Japan. Or some small european country where I could become a popular artist in a few years. All of these plans are nice and I believe it would be great realizing them. I know I could do that and some people I admire have started to think I could do it as well.
     On the other hand, traveling so much makes me lonely. I feel so lonely from some time now. Here at home no-one of my friends seem interesting to me anymore. Those people able to give me positive energy are far from me, busy and they are not even my real friends, most of them are a generation older than me.
     Despite this, all that I had this year was given to me from London. Next February I am going to be there again because I already booked other open days at several schools.

Almost everything has been done so far.
Will I take the IELTS?
Will I study abroad?
Will I get a job abroad?

There is no doubt I learned that going a bit away from home is very very important. It allows people to grow up significantly and from a certain point of view to live properly.
     Therefore seems that the way is already outlined in front of me but this time it is almost impossible to make definite plans. My heart knows the direction in which to go and although at the moment it seems that I do not have much in my hands, things done up to now give me the greatest number of potential I have ever had.

I would like to say a great thanks to all the nice people I met and helped me this year.

If I reached this point it is because I do not like to give up.
I must never give up.

What is next?

It is time to become an artist. Let me become an artist.

SM

PLEASE CLICK THE PICTURE BELOW TO DOWNLOAD

THE ULTIMATE SIMO MONSI 2012 PLAYLIST!!!

↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

36 tracks and 6 unbelievable BONUS CONTENT

including

OMG SIMO STYLE VIDEO on YouTube!!!!!!!!!!

⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇

Three Winters

I left Italy to spend two months in London (from April to June) to do an eight-week English course. While I was on the plane flying to London I was reading my London guide and I cried. In it I read about Contemporary Art and YBAs. I was moved of thinking that I would have lived in the city where some of my heroes have lived and are still living.

I arrived in London on Saturday April 14th. I took the train from Stansted Airport to Liverpool Street station and then the bus to Hackney where my friend Carlo was living. When I reached Carlo's house he was at the University and I waited for him until dinner time. My life in London was not begun yet.

The day after I moved to Leytonstone, at the student house where the BSC school had assigned a room to me. I was hungry so I went to the big Tesco round the corner. Shopping at the supermarket had not ever been so difficult. I was almost crying. I cooked something and I started to meet my flatmates, Pierre, Linda and other French assholes.

The very first day at school. School was difficult as well as living in London but I was really motivated because it was the dream that I wanted to do and I did not have time for thinking at anything else. I cannot forget the first teacher I met at school, Robert. He was the afternoon class teacher, my Grammar and writing class teacher. It was weird to interact with new classmates. They seemed so different from me. Some of them would become my close friends. At the beginning understanding Robert was not easy at all but seven weeks later I would become one of the Grammar Kings of his class.

My list of things to do during my period in London included:

Reaching the Advance level of English language and studying in order to take the IELTS exam;

Inquiring about Fine Arts courses at London universities;

Finding an internship or a job in the Arts sector;

Producing new artworks and trying to hold an exhibition;

Thinking about Pokémon as usual.

I started to deal with the Arts field at the Royal Academy joining the private view of The Red Mansion Art Prize 2012 where I met Zaha Hadid. I was invited by Giusy, one of the artists that exhibited their works and with whom I had worked three months before. A couple of days later I met her again at the screening of the movie Woman of the Dunes (Sunna no Ona, 1964) by Hiroshi Teshigahara at White Cube Bermondsey.

Living in Leytonstone was not easy, it was always raining and cold. In my room the bed was very uncomfortable as well as sloping ceiling. I cried while I was putting my clothes in the drawers. A week later I was completely alone at the screening of Dead Man's Shoes at White Cube Bermondsey.

After a while I started to receive bad outcomes by e-mail from those Art contests that I had entered before leaving Italy. However, my life in London was officially begun and I found a new life-rhythm even if it was raining every morning and that is why I got a cold.

May.

Staying with friends was better than staying alone but my cold became cough. I was trying to work hard to achieve my passion as I used to do but at the same time it was too much raining and one day at Kensington Gardens life got though. I devoted to new friendships. I had a long path behind but it seemed to be less important than what I had thought until then.

My life started to become a mess one afternoon outside the Saatchi Gallery. And it went worse and worse. Film screenings, talks, exhibitions, cinemas… till the day when I did not arrive at he exhibition that I wanted to join. I remained stuck in the Underground for the whole evening. I missed my home for the very first time.

Living in London was the hardest thing I had ever done in spite of thinking to have already done so many things in my life. I was ill and they were hard days. My life far from home was very fast and my health was not ready enough.

However, slowly slowly I had became less lonely. My new friends were interesting and even if I was not feeling very well, my desire to discover new things gave me energy. I got used to live in Leytonstone.

I went to Slough to visit my relatives. I felt at home with part of my family. I recovered energy and aunt Maria gave me several sandwiches before leaving their house. Going back to Italy was not the right thing to do, I was increasingly convinced.

I really liked my teacher Richard, the school and the way of teaching were excellent. They were better than what I experienced at Italian university. Homework were difficult and learning English would take a long time. By contrast, my English was getting better fast and one afternoon when I was busy doing homework I called my mom. I told her that I would have liked to stay at school a month more. I called my mom every day since the first day I had been in London and she knew every issue that I had faced so far.

I knew from the very beginning of my trip that I was not on holiday, I had always had the things-to-do list on my desk. My intention was to know as much as I could about Contemporary Art field and universities in London. I refused to stay out till late at night, it was not my only time to have fun in London, it was the sixth time I had been there. It was the city where I had interviewed an artist who had exhibited her works at the Royal Academy. Those evidence could no longer be ignored, I wanted to make clear to everyone who I was and why I was there. It became clear also to my mom and she told me that I could stay in London a month more.

Music you must not forget 1

And then Kana came. From the first day she was arrived I did my best to make her my friend.

Staying a month more, the right choice. However, many things must be done. To book and pay another month at BSC for instance, but most important I had to find where living until July. Meanwhile summer came and it help to be positive. Many things changed. Two months had gone by very quick and no-one of my goals had been reached. I had been at many exhibitions and it had been a pleasure to meet established artists. I went at the CSM MFA Interim Show as well. My friends started to know me but my plan was far from being completed and I felt frustrated.

At that time I had to forget my frustration for a while because, according to my teacher Richard and the Academic Director Sarah, I moved to another class. I joined the IELTS class! My knowledge of English was improving fast but obviously my first days in the new Intermediate Plus class were not easy. New friends to know, homework hardest than ever.

Fortunately, Sue and me were already good friends, we had been classmates for seven weeks in the Intermediate class. 친구, 문, 창문. She had to stay at school a month more and to find a new house just like me. I thought that my English was not good enough to call agencies and landlords and I asked her to help me. We looked for a house together. I spent a bit more than two weeks looking for a house with Sue. I really enjoyed that time. Springs turned into summer in London. My cold and cough had gone and I felt better. I felt well with my friends.

I visited several houses with Sue, I feel indebted to her. She called landlords and arranged appointments. Koreans are nice people, very kind and always ready to help the others. Finding two rooms in a single house was hard and we found a double room to share in Shepherd's Bush.

None of the contests that I entered gave me good news, the only good reason to go back home had vanished. The IELTS was still to be discovered and my career as an artist to be started. I had promise to many people that I would have reached my aim to enter a university in London and I could not give up. Staying in London was the only thing I could do. While the Queen was celebrating her Diamond Jubilee, cold and rain came back and we chose to live in Shepherd's Bush.

Shortly before moving to the new house I met Carlo. I was happy to meet him. The school had made me busy more than I thought and things to do were still a lot. I needed to think, I needed more time. Then I packed my luggages.

Sue had a party before leaving her house and she invited Kana. That night I talked with Kana and we had fun. That night Kana decided to have a party at her place a week later. The day after the party at Sue's place I left the student house in Leytonstone. In two months some flatmates went back home and new flatmates had arrived. Parties had been had, sink pipes had been broken and I lost time to speak with James the School Director. Damn fucking French assholes.

Sue moved to our new room a week later than me because of her previous house rent. My first week alone in the new room: I met the other two flatmates, Fabrizio, an Italian man from Milan into movies digital effects, and Mike, a guy from Manchester with an incomprehensible and demoralizing English accent. Soon I discovered that Shepherd's Bush is not the worst place in the world but at the same time it is not the best place to live. At the new house I did not have plates and cutlery but most important I did not have a duvet to face London's cold nights. A morning at school I looked cold, so Kana and his boyfriend Takeshi asked me what happened. That same day in the afternoon they invited me to their place to borrow me a duvet and cutlery. Since that day I could eat and sleep warm thanks to them and their kindness.

Friday came fast and the party at 92 Gloucester Ave. was successful. Mustafa was leaving and that was his last night in London. While a friend was going back home another came. Seah had been at school since the same day when Kana arrived and on that day she took a sit close to me. She still is an Architecture student in Busan (South Korea) but when she came to London she had already been in Bournemouth for nine months. She was going to stay in London for three months. We did not become friends until that night in Chalk Farm, who knows why? I decided to buy a notebook and learn Korean from her. It was at that time, after I had changed house and class that I realized I was living in London, definitely. Sue and me shared our new room from the middle of June and time went quickly.

European football Championship began. I spent an entire afternoon at the CSM Degree Show realizing my dream to go beyond the entry turnstiles of CMS King's Cross building. After a while I said goodbye to another friend and met other ones. I ate okonomiyaki at Chalk Farm, I was studying Korean spending lovely time with Seah. The Italian football team was reaching the Final match.

Two weeks later I joined the IELTS Intermediate Plus class the school moved me to the IELTS Upper Intermediate class. I lost my classmates for the second time. I was really proud of myself, I had shown to teachers that I am a really good student but unfortunately my new class was the less funny. Current level of English in the new class was so different from what I experienced in my previous two months at school. In addition my new classmates were significantly less friendly than all the previous ones and soon I felt tired to go to school.

Living in Shepherd's Bush was not easy at all. The place was boring and I did not feel at home. When I signed the contract I accepted to stay there for two months and it meant I must stay in that house one month more than I told to my family. I had not reached my dreams yet and slowly slowly I convinced my mom that once I would have finished the course I would managed to find a job.

The school was coming to an end and next I would have to get a job but in the meantime at home we were often without hot water, sometimes for several days in a row. Once I asked Carlo if I could take a shower at his place. He was at the City University studying for the day after final exam and he told me that the shower at the City University was better than at his place. He was right. At the City University there is the most comfortable shower that I have seen in London in five months.

Carlo told me that he wanted to go back to Italy in August but he had already booked his house in London until September. He asked me if I wanted to stay at his place between August and September. It had been difficult to convince my mom to make me stay in London more than expected. A month more at school and another month after the end of my course. And at that moment I would have to ask to stay until September, three months more than expected when I left Italy in April. It was not easy to take a decision but I felt I could achieve my goals easily in London and I took a risk booking Carlo's room until the beginning of September.

Italy lost the final match, I finished my course at school and it was always raining. Nights were cold and my habits changed, once again. The school was finished and I got excellent marks. Teachers wrote: he has made a huge amount of progress, he has worked extremely hard at improving his English and he can become a very effective English communicator.

To be honest getting good marks at school was just one of my many goals to achieve and three months had already gone. I felt weird thinking about people I wanted to know and I did not know if I would have seen them again. Summer seemed already off and days began to be long and confused.

From Italy one of the contest's staff wrote me that my work had been mentioned by the Jury. I had my artwork's picture published in the prize's catalogue. It made me happy but I had already booked my life in London for two months more. I called and I applied for a NINo. They booked me an interview a month later. I was wondering what I was supposed to do in that month. I was a bit confused but I plucked up courage. I would stayed other two months.

I wrote to White Cube gallery applying for an internship. I sent an e-mail to the Celeb on Sunday. I applied for a job at Frieze Art Fair 2012 and for an internship at SHOWstudio and ICA. Being in London was a unique opportunity and before becoming a waiter I thought it was better to try to find something in my field and that is why I contacted leading institutions of the Arts field (except Celeb on Sunday, but that is a long story…). After that I had to wait for a reply and it would have taken a couple of weeks.

Music you must not forget 2

Seah was the next to go back home and my friends around were increasingly less. At the meantime my birthday was approaching and I thought was a nice idea going back Italy for a week. So, I tried to book a flight online but strangely the debit card-payment was unsuccessful for three times. Sue left London for two weeks directed to Korea. Then I met Carlo who left me his house's keys and after a while he went back to Italy. I was in London, some of my closest friends were in their native countries and some others did not answer to my calls. I could not book a flight to go back home. I was trapped in Shepherd's Bush and I did not know what to do.

As usual talking with Carlo made me think. I found the strength in me to interpret his words. I did not feel happy so I decided to do the only thing that makes me happy. It was the reason why I had chosen to move to London. I decided to become an artist. I felt far from home, waiting for replies and I did not know if they would ever arrive. Moreover, I was living in a place that I did not like. THANK GOD. I called the only friend who could still trust me and my capacities and he accepted to work with me. My family kept supporting me, I gave them my trust.

Music you must not forget 3

Spending my days with Se-Mi helped me a lot. I stopped to talk about school and English, school was finished for me and I had improved my confidence with English. It was time to move on and show to everyone the artist that I am.

The sky took fire. I did not hesitate. I took my bag with me and went to the park every day for a week. I read what I did not read in three months, thought what I did not think in three months, wrote what I did not write in three months and  burned my white skin as well. That corner in Regents Park where I had been with Carlo a year before became my favorite place in London, where my new artworks were born and finding inside of me I found the way to make me happy. I had recovered my smile. I worked really hard and I setted up a brand new exhibition project consisting of new artworks. Those artworks that I had chosen to make in London several months before now were completed. I was still waiting for the result of the last contests that I entered before moving to London. I got the response: I failed. It did not matter at all. I had already moved on and I felt myself far away from all those fucking Italian contests.

My birthday came and it began with all the british bells ringing.

Download Martin Creed's All The Bells exclusive record
from BBC News Channel by Simo Monsi!

In London there were only my Korean friends and I spent a lovely day with them. I went at Tate Modern with Se-Mi visiting the Damien Hirst exhibition for the second time. It was amazing and it did not stop there: that night London 2012 Olympic Games opened. The Olympics opening ceremony on the same day of my birthday in the city where I was living. I do not know when it will happen again. That night I did not feel lonely. I felt at the heart of the world.

July was coming to an end. During a quick one-day tour in Slough, Eaton and Windsor I drank yet another hot chocolate. That night I met an Italian friend in Brick Lane. She came to London to stay a bit more than a month and work in Camden Town. Her name is Margherita. The next day another friend came from Italy to have a three days off in London. We spent three days together, it seems that I needed to stay with them but it still was not the right time to going back to Italy for me. Soon my friend went back home and I did not know yet when my time would come. I kept meeting Margherita and I had fun with her in Brick Lane, Camden, London Bridge and Holborn. Her senselessness still keep me curious.

And August came. Sue came back in London to start her university course. I went to join a four-hour queue to have a signature. We packed our luggages and moved to other houses. Sue went to Wimbledon and I went to Hackney at Carlo's place. I felt tired. I attended my interview and I got my NINo. Then I went back home because from that moment I would have been busy at the final part of my plan.

The house in Hackney is the best place where I lived during my five months in London. It was the first place where I slept when I arrived in April. It is the place where my friend Carlo had lived for a year. I felt good in Hackney. Four months in London made me not lost anymore and after two months in Shepherd's Bush Carlo's room seemed a nice place where live: a clean and tidy house with flatmates knowing a common good friend.

It was clear that I could do great things at Carlo's place and I did not waste time. I sent my exhibition project to a lot of people working in the Arts field. Some of them are the best in that field. Many people did not reply. The best in the field replied. LT, MB, PR, ST, DQ, PB. Those were really intense days spent sending emails from morning to night. However, knowing of being appreciated by those who had been the example to follow for many years sanctioned the effective achievement of my biggest goal.

Writing gave me strength. And I kept writing. I felt mad. But nothing had been so exciting in the previous four months. I arranged a meeting with Paolo. Then I met Haniya. The next day a piece of writing of mine about Damien Hirst was published on a magazine. Everything was almost done. It had been a long time since I met Art for the first time and it had cost me a lot of effort. I was hungry. I was almost broke. And my hair had became long. It was time to say goodbye and the first person of my list was still her. I attended the party at Turnpike Lane house and I stayed there till dawn. That night I conquered the right to know that the path chosen is the right one.

Music you must not forget 4

the final stage

Meanwhile I was on the train going back to Dalston from New Cross I understood that it was time to go back home. I was ready. My mission had been accomplished. And a new one could start: a new CV to write, a project to revise, people to meet and several contests to enter! I was ready to go back home and meet my family. Going back to my home to meet my friends and maybe her. Another friend was leaving London, ready to go back her home. She told me 포기하지마 - Never give up!

Music you must not forget 5

I putted a lot of stuff in a parcel and sent it to Italy. My three luggages were not enough anymore. I booked the flight. It was time to go back home. All of a sudden I received an e-mail! Frieze wanted to meet me to have an interview and offer me a job. I booked my future as usual. I had my last dinner in London, then I attended the interview. I went to Slough to say goodbye to aunt Maria. And finally I left London for real.

I am sorry but there is not enough time to write everything but I promise that I will keep in my heart every single moment lived in London for a long time.

My trip has been longer than it seems to be on calendar. It seems that I finally achieved my goals but at the same time I feel so lonely and far from the people that I love. I am scared of the future, it is so wide. It could be true that I am reaching my dreams and I am glad of that (it is hard to explain properly) but for the same reason I am afraid to disappoint myself.

I do not know exactly why but I miss her. While I was abroad thinking at her made me strong. I thought at all those moments when I felt loved by her and I am convinced it could still be the same if she was here, close to me. By contrast, sometimes she seems to be really far from me and I feel to do not know her anymore. If I do not know her I do not know me. It is like losing a part of mine.

Once at home I met my friends. One of them asked me about one of my oldest interests: Japanese anime. He invited me at his place to watch together the two Rebuild of Evangelion movies. Since we have finished highschool we met just a couple of time per year but it has been a pleasure for me to share a day with him. Sometimes it is possible to find something special where it is thought that there is nothing to find.

That day I found it. Actually I found it again, after a long time. You know, life is not easy and I have chosen to do something in the Arts field. The Arts field… is it something specific? I do not know it exactly but in the last few years Contemporary Art has been one of the only things that made me happy. It is happened that in a difficult moment I found my happiness visiting an exhibition. But that day, while I was watching at Evangelion movies I found something that I had forgotten. I felt that primitive emotion which a long time ago drove me to the Arts field. Hideaki Anno who has created Evangelion remembered me that relationships between people are the most amazing and surprising art ever. I remembered to have chosen to express myself through the artistic language in order to show everyone the most fantastic art in the world: love.

The next day Frieze Staff Coordinator wrote me: she offered me the position of Press Assistant at Frieze London 2012. You know guys, I want to work in the Contemporary Art field, I am just 24 and I will be paid by Frieze very soon. Do you know what Frieze is?

That is fucking enough. I have a fucking plane to take on Sunday morning and keep building my luck every fucking single day!

Please, keep following your dreams. No matter how insane or ridiculous they seem. YOU MUST FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!

…cos I didnt forget Chinney!

Hope to write again soon.

Cheers.

sm

Appunti d'identità. Cose che si possono fare in tre mesi

Ho capito tutto
Come scrivere qualcosa che non sembri presuntuoso? Allora scrivere di non riuscire a scrivere. Tre righe sono meglio di una ma le emozioni non sono state nemmeno menzionate. Forse inspiegabili, certamente inconfondibili.

«This time is for work»
Inviare un sms mai arrivato, aspettare un’ora a Davis Street, incontrare la collega greca e poi parlare parlare parlare. Essere raggiunti da una seconda greca, incontrare un amico a Britannia Street e poi parlare parlare parlare. Salutare le greche, camminare a King’s Cross, incontrare una volpe e parlare parlare parlare. Incontrarsi il giorno seguente al medesimo posto e da lì non smettere più di parlare. Quando il locale chiude continuiamo alla fermata del bus. Dire alla mamma che è andata bene. In realtà essere talmente confuso da mangiare qualcosa di così piccante da farti soffrire, ma non soffrire. Non sentirsi più gli stessi. Ricordare discorsi sul cinema asiatico e il nazismo del tutto dimenticati durante un pomeriggio a Bermondsey. Non c’era più niente in testa, o forse era soltanto tutto nuovo. Sentirsi impazzire. Non aver voglia di tornare ma tornare. Non sentirsi più bene a casa.

gennaio: Bermondsey, Londra

Shame, Steve McQueen

Avere voglia di innamorarsi. Andare a Milano e tornare stanchi. Salutare un amore prima che parta. Comprare un Mac, non scartarlo e andare a Bologna per la prima volta. Parlare. Pranzare con un amore tornato e capire quanto poco valgano quelli nuovi, tranne uno: l’amore per una sensazione. Di nuovo a Milano, prendere appunti e un catalogo. Indebitarsi sperando di potersi sdebitare. Tornare a casa stanchi ma sentirsi felici per un sorriso di mamma e papà. My two times in King's Cross.

Un bicchiere di spumante tra tante camicie
Riabituarsi a casa e arrancare. Riprendere il discorso sugli obbiettivi e prendere tempo. Tre giorni a Roma. E ritrovare me stesso, per l’ennesima volta, al museo; partire per farlo e farlo con lei. Sdoppiarsi, organizzare, soffrire. Ricevere un sms a San Pietro, effimero e misteriosamente emozionante. Ricaricarsi. La borsa di nuovo piena. Essere orgoglioso di una persona e salutarla.

febbraio: Testaccio, Roma

Fotocopiare il necessario

Prendere una testata a Milano. Tornare stanchi e con un bernoccolo ma prepararsi per ripartire la mattina seguente: prevedere ed arrivare in anticipo. Guardare, annusare, chiedere e ancora dover fare i conti con loro, fare i conti con tutto quello che non c’è, fare i conti con se stessi. È quando vedi la stanza vuota che ti ricordi di cosa vorresti riempirla. Prenotare il futuro.

Avere fiducia e non mollare
E prendere tempo per ancora due giorni, gli ultimi rimasti, quelli che bastano. Stare un giorno alla Cattolica con Super Mario e i Pokémon. Tornare a sognare, per ritrovarsi nel sonno. La vibrazione è la guida, l’unica che so davvero seguire. E poi prendere il treno, arrivare a Bologna per rimanere dieci minuti, quelli che bastano.

Presentare il conto ai genitori
Loro sanno tutto e valutano. E poi non ti fanno capire se vieni prima o dopo del bene e del male, lui dice soltanto: «…ci sono, sai tu cosa farci». Sai di aver fatto tutto quel che s’è potuto per convincerli e li hai convinti. E ti rendi conto che non riuscirai mai più a fare le cose meglio di così. Prenotare il futuro, ancora e ancora.

Fare i biglietti
Salutare un’amica diretta in Australia e prendere il treno per Venezia. Portare idee e riportarne a casa il doppio. Avere voglia di innamorarsi. Ricevere telefonate, messaggi e mail. Rientrare dall’ennesimo viaggio e sentirsi felici per un sorriso di mamma e papà, di nuovo. Sentirsi orgogliosi di renderli orgogliosi e avere voglia di continuare a farlo. Pubblicare da Venezia.

Di nuovo in autostrada
Scrivere mail a chi è vicino e a chi è lontano. Non essere preso in considerazione da nessuno tranne che da un museo internazionale. Puntuale all’appuntamento con Marina, si presenta la storia. Vederla per la prima volta e non proferire parola. È quando vedi la stanza vuota che capisci di cosa vorresti riempirla. Trattenere le lacrime, ma non i sorrisi: Kate ha mantenuto la parola.

The physical impossibility not to enter if you have the invitation in your pocket
Esserci e basta.
Messaggio ad un amico: "Fottuti".
E poi boh?!

E allora partire
Per mantenere una promessa fatta tempo fa ad un amico e, prima di tutto, a me stesso.
Io da solo, tutti con me.

sm

Nessuno che conoscessi

Sono alla Tate Modern di Londra dalle 9.45 di stamattina e penso di rimanere fino all’ora di chiusura per sfruttare il wi-fi gratuito.
Oggi ho realizzato un sogno e credo di aver alzato l’asticella di ciò che credevo di riuscire a fare nella vita.
Damien Hirst: non potrei dire nulla di nuovo su di lui, ma lui ha detto molto a me durante quest’ultimo anno. Scelsi di studiare il suo lavoro e ne rimasi affascinato. Le sue riflessioni mi trasmettono un sensazione di sincerità, una percezione che talvolta diventa arte.
Un giorno di qualche mese fa pensai che dopo aver scritto la tesi di laurea sul suo lavoro sarebbe stato emozionante avere l’opportunità di visitare la retrospettiva a lui dedicata: Tate Modern, dal 4 aprile. Ma avrei voluto farlo in una condizione particolare, durante la quale non sentirmi, come al solito, un visitatore uguale a tutti gli altri.
Scrissi una mail all’ufficio stampa della Tate per chiedere informazioni sulle modalità di partecipazione all’anteprima per la stampa. Gentilmente risposero ma non ricevetti nessuna informazione rilevante. Forse sei mesi di anticipo erano troppi per avere notizie precise.
Passa il tempo, faccio altre cose ma quando torno a pensare di vedere Hirst alla Tate mi sembra un sogno. E allora ci riprovo e scrivo di nuovo.
La gentile Kate, assistente dell’ufficio stampa dice che mi farà sapere presto. Poi più nessuna notizia. Dieci giorni prima dell’apertura della mostra però arriva l’invito: Press view fissata per le ore 10 di lunedì 2 aprile; alle 11 visita guidata dal curatore. Non resta che farsi trovare nel posto indicato all’ora indicata.
Volo a Londra sperando che tutto vada per il meglio e che il sogno non si infranga per qualche insondabile e misteriosa ragione. La mattina seguente mi sveglio, mi vesto e vado: l’invito in tasca.
Ha l’invito, signore?
Sì.
Prego, prenda le scale a sinistra fino al terzo piano.
Giornalisti accalcati all’ingresso. Cartella stampa alla mano, attendo. E poi si entra: è fatta, Simone da Castelnuovo Fogliani vede la mostra di Damien Hirst alla Tate due giorni prima che venga aperta a tutto il resto del mondo.
Nella prima sala mi sento a casa, in mostra opere concepite a cavallo del 1988. Lui inizia e io nasco. E dalla seconda sala non c’è ritorno: mosche che volano, mosche che esplodono. Teste mozzate e un agnello. E poi uno squalo che se la ride. Vivi con le farfalle per qualche minuto: le vedi apparire, ti si appoggiano tra i capelli. Entri in farmacia, una palla che vola mentre tutto intorno i colori girano. Ho visto l’interno di una mucca e di un vitello, enormi mosaici d’ali di farfalle e un agnello nero. Un angelo di marmo e una colomba in formaldeide.
Tra il centinaio di giornalisti e addetti ai lavori nessuno che conoscessi. Soltanto qualche faccia nota vista su internet o nei libri di arte. Il direttore della Tate ci presenta la mostra, in prima fila il suo predecessore. La curatrice ci parla di Hirst.
Secondo giro. L’arte è  nelle prime sale, l’arte è dal 1988 al 1994. Rimango un’ora a vedere video: due clown, i Blur, come spararsi in testa senza incorrere nell’inconveniente di rimanere vivi e si finisce con gli U2: “Even better than real thing”.
Sono passate quasi tre ore, e un enorme posacenere emana forte l’odore acre di sigarette fumate venti anni fa. Attraverso una sala di zirconi e corro a rivedere un teschio, salutato esattamente un anno fa. Tre ore dopo la fame è tanta, la ‘turbine hall’ è buia ma da qualche parte una miriade di lucine brillano, e io so dove trovarle.
E ora è finita: non questa stupenda giornata iniziata con un sorriso isterico, quel che è finito con la frase “prego, scale a sinistra fino al terzo piano” è la vita vecchia. Non conosco nessuno della vita nuova, ma tra i Blur e gli U2 mi sentivo tranquillo stamattina e non so cosa potrebbe succedere se smettessi di mandare mail per gioco e iniziassi a fare sul serio. Credo che manderò una mail per chiedere informazioni.

Simone Monsi

2 aprile 2012, Tate Modern, Londra

Un anno in frasi brevi. Capire il silenzio.

Perché una persona abbia una storia da raccontare sarà prima necessario viverla. Durante il tempo da dedicare all’esperienza però potrebbero perdersi le sue tracce, ma quando la incontreremo di nuovo, quella persona avrà finalmente una storia a caratterizzarla e renderla unica, e sarà soltanto merito suo se questa sarà degna di essere considerata interessante.

Ultimamente ho avuto la sensazione di aver terminato un percorso (di studio) per cui ho speso tante energie e nel quale ho investito tanto tempo e riposto tutte le mie speranze, ma che, infine, questo non mi abbia lasciato nulla di concreto tra le mani. E invece a ripensarci s’è fatto tanto e s’è iniziata una storia.

L’anno che sta per concludersi lo iniziai con un progetto già in corso, una sorta di “maratona” dedicata ad un cartone animato: la serie animata Pokémon. Fin da bambino mi porto dietro una particolare passione per i cartoni animati, credo che ad appassionarmi siano le storie e le caratteristiche dei personaggi, ma più di tutto sono i colori. I Pokémon si basano su entrambe le cose, un gran numero di personaggi e tanti colori.

Una volta lessi che da piccoli si amano due cose: gli animali e i supereroi. I Pokémon sono animaletti con superpoteri, tutto ciò che un bambino potrebbe desiderare.

Avevo abbandonato i Pokémon durante il periodo del liceo, ma in realtà non avevano mai smesso di incuriosirmi e quando nella seconda metà del 2010 fu annunciata l’uscita della quinta generazione l’aria si fece di nuovo frizzante e la qualità del nuovo prodotto mi riconquistò pienamente.

Non avendo mai giocato ad un videogioco targato Pokémon decisi che, per riprendere il filo del discorso, avrei dovuto concentrarmi sulla serie animata: quella sì che l’avevo seguita, e tra gli episodi sapevo orientarmi bene.

In circa un anno, dall’estate 2009 all’estate 2010, riuscii a recuperare tutti gli episodi delle varie serie e in settembre iniziai la maratona. È durata dal 27 settembre 2010 al 15 maggio 2011, 231 giorni, 625 episodi, una decina di lungometraggi e più di venti episodi speciali. Un’esperienza fantastica ed emozionante, che non fece altro che confermare la mia passione sia per il prodotto Pokémon, sia per l’animazione giapponese in generale e la cultura e la sapienza tecnica che esistono dietro a questo lavoro.

Dopo l’avventura il divario è stato colmato dunque, e così ho potuto seguire in televisione il finale della terza serie (tredicesima stagione occidentale) e continuare subito dopo con i primi episodi della nuovissima serie, “Best Wishes”.

Nel frattempo lo studio universitario s’era intensificato come mai aveva richiesto in precedenza. I tre esami da sostenere prima di poter dedicarmi alla tesi di laurea mi impegnarono moltissimo e mi ritrovai a decidere di abbandonare un’altra mia passione, la WWE.

Ora so perché il wrestling WWE mi appassionava, non tanto per i colori in questo caso, quanto per la storia. Una volta lessi che nel wrestling si può riproporre la stessa storia dopo sette anni, un periodo di tempo considerato abbastanza lungo per farla assorbire agli appassionati e poterla riutilizzare. Ho seguito la WWE dalla fine del 2003 alla metà del 2011, sette anni. Forse la storia stava iniziando a ripetersi. Ho deciso per una passione più profonda, l’animazione giapponese. Ricorderò sempre le emozioni vissute guardando i tuffi dalle corde, ma era venuta l’ora di scegliere e incanalare tutte le energie nella sola passione che il poco tempo libero concessomi dall’università mi permetteva di coltivare.

Quattro mesi per tre esami. Dall’inizio di gennaio alla fine d’aprile ho studiato nell’ordine Botanica generale, Letteratura latina e Letteratura italiana. Mi sono messo alla prova e ho vinto la battaglia contro la mia memoria e il mio metodo di studio. Ho imparato a studiare, ho conosciuto argomenti lontani dalle mie passioni ma che sono stati utili per dare un’occhiata dentro di me. Ciò che ho odiato studiare mi ha permesso di capire cosa amo davvero e nel frattempo i classici della letteratura mi hanno dato una visione d’insieme della storia, quella storia che oggi è anche mia.

Tra la fine degli esami e l’inizio del lavoro di ricerca per la tesi decisi di partecipare ad un concorso indetto dalla rivista ufficiale Nintendo. Disegnare un Pokémon, un personaggio completo, con nome, caratteristiche e colorazione completamente originali.

Dopo le centinaia di episodi visti mi sentivo pronto ed elettrizzato dall’opportunità, ma non conoscendo le dinamiche precise dello svolgimento dei videogiochi, destinazione originale del prodotto Pokémon, mi documentai. Quando su Wikipedia trovai gli algoritmi che regolano il funzionamento delle mosse dei Pokémon capii che era una cosa seria. La sfida è stata emozionante, ho inventato Chinney, l’ho disegnato, colorato e caratterizzato. Produssi una presentazione di 10 pagine tra testi e illustrazioni e la inviai.

Poi, senza perdere un attimo di tempo, mi immersi nella scrittura della tesi di laurea. Titolo: Damien Hirst. Dagli esordi a “Sensation”. Esperienza impegnativa ed avvincente che mi ha dato modo di conoscere storie in cui ho potuto immedesimarmi e che mi ha permesso di colmare il divario che c’è tra il presente e il passato nel quale l’università che ho frequentato è rimasta intrappolata, il motivo principale che mi spinse a fare una ricerca su Hirst e il periodo che l’ha visto protagonista indiscusso della scena artistica internazionale.

Il lavoro per la tesi mi ha insegnato molto. Ho letto Sarah Kent, Gordon Burn, Gregor Muir, Francesco Poli, Donald Thompson, Julian Stallabrass, Norman Rosenthal e lo stesso Damien Hirst. Studiando un periodo spesso definito controverso ho imparato ad avere il coraggio di assumermi la responsabilità delle idee che decido di sostenere e delle decisioni che scelgo di prendere, anche a costo di non piacere a tutti. Spesso si può avere torto ma chi si arrocca sul trono della ragione senza esporsi al confronto diviene incapace di dimostrare la ragione di cui si vanta e diventa elemento inutile del dibattito. Scompare. E l’ultima cosa che io voglio fare è scomparire. M’è sembrato di capire che chi vuole davvero ce la fa ed è in questa direzione che voglio continuare a muovermi. Ci vuole coraggio, e voglio trovarne abbastanza per farcela.

La sera prima del mio compleanno la tesi era terminata e stampata. Appresi la notizia di aver vinto il concorso Pokémon. Un regalo perfetto! Quest’episodio mi ha fatto riflettere. La domanda è: cosa succederebbe se vincessi un concorso indetto dallo staff dell’edizione italiana della rivista ufficiale della prima multinazionale di videogiochi al mondo per importanza, che ha prodotto i tre videogiochi di maggior successo della storia, per di più disegnando un personaggio completamente originale per la mia serie preferita fin da quand’ero ragazzino? Durante il periodo degli studi universitari non avevo quasi mai disegnato, se non per produrre bozzetti di opere da realizzare con altre tecniche. Potevo non aver perso la manualità per produrre qualcosa che fosse di buon livello tecnico?

Ho vinto. E ho scritto. Ho contattato le uniche due riviste del settore disponibili in Italia, capaci di darmi una visione di ampio respiro sull’argomento. Una, lo scorso novembre, ha pubblicato la mia lettera, rispondendomi che il quartier generale Nintendo a cui rivolgersi sarebbe quello giapponese, confermando ciò che risultava dalle mie ricerche: in Europa si reclutano esclusivamente programmatori ed esperti di business. La lingua potrebbe essere l’ostacolo maggiore mi hanno detto, ed eccomi ancora una volta nella situazione di dover scegliere.

A breve sarei stato laureato; anni fa capii che l’argomento che più m’interessa, mi affascina e nel quale riesco ad esprimermi meglio è la storia dell’arte, ho l’ambizione di specializzarmi in arte contemporanea, e, se avrò abbastanza fegato, tenterò di diventare un artista. Una vittoria estemporanea, seppur nel mio cuore avesse il peso della vittoria della vita, non bastava, ma era comunque un segno importante e da non ignorare.

La sensazione a prevalere è stata quella di avere un altro paio di carte valide in mano e temporaneamente ho scelto di tenere il sogno nel cassetto ancora per un po’, e per ora dedicarsi al mondo dell’arte, per il quale ho studiato e mi sento maggiormente preparato, crearmi una storia artistica, fare esperienza e quando arriverà il momento non esitare ad estrarre dal cilindro Chinney e gli altri e proporli. Ora so di possedere la capacità di studiare e prepararmi, che si tratti di arte, di Hirst, Caravaggio o Pokémon. Sono convinto che il momento arriverà, perché non smetterò di cercarlo.

Mi sono laureato in settembre. Laureato in Beni artistici, teatrali, cinematografici e dei nuovi media presso l’Università degli Studi di Parma. Alla mia discussione ho invitato una sola persona, l’unica con la quale non mi sarei sentito a disagio. Ti ringrazio.

Avevo voglia di mettere le mani in pasta e staccarmi finalmente per un po’ dai libri. Sul tavolo c’erano alcune possibilità tra cui scegliere. Pensai che l’esperienza del tirocinio presso una galleria d’arte contemporanea milanese avrebbe potuto tenermi impegnato per qualche mese prima di un possibile soggiorno all’estero. Nessun riscontro. Tre mesi possono sembrare pochi, a me son parsi una mezza eternità. C’è chi dice che a gennaio mi chiameranno in tanti e sarò costretto a scegliere. Forse però sarà tardi, in questi mesi non son stato ad aspettare.

Durante l’anno ho viaggiato. In giugno andai a Londra per capire come si vive da soli e tornai a casa entusiasta; ho festeggiato il compleanno a Bobbio; in settembre, poco prima di laurearmi, ho visitato la Biennale d’arte di Venezia ed è stata l’ennesima conferma. Non c’è motivo per ignorare il contemporaneo e rimanere con lo sguardo rivolto al passato, se si ha la volontà di farlo si può studiare e capire anche il presente, la materia più ostica. M’è piaciuta la Biennale di quest’anno, finalmente dopo tante visite inizio ad avere i mezzi per comprenderla ed apprezzarla. Un mese dopo sono tornato a Venezia per visitare alcune mostre collaterali: Anish Kapoor, Jan Fabre e Karla Black.

Karla Black a Venezia: la mostra più emozionate vista quest’anno, peccato non abbia vinto il Turner Prize; peccato anche per Ascension di Kapoor, l’installazione alla Fabbrica del Vapore a Milano al contrario è certamente al secondo posto della classifica delle mostre più emozionanti viste quest’anno; For the Love of God di Hirst, visto a Firenze in aprile: indimenticabile.

Ho visto decine di film, ma ne voglio ricordare pochi, i miei preferiti: La versione di Barney di R.J. Lewis; 127 ore di D.Boyle; 13 assassini di T. Miike; le sensazioni della Mostra del Cinema di Venezia: Seediq Bale di Wei Te-Sheng. E il coro in sala.

Ricordo le frizzanti private views e la performance di Shen Wei alla Collezione Maramotti di Reggio Emilia: capire di avere la possibilità di aprire gli occhi senza dover prendere l’aereo. In novembre, invece, mi sono preso la pioggia a Liverpool: un bel viaggio, perché ogni viaggio ha il suo sapore, ed ho imparato qualcosa anche in quell’occasione. Durante un attimo di spaesamento mi sono ricordato qual è il luogo in cui mi sento a mio agio e nel quale so esprimermi al meglio.

Io da grande voglio fare l’artista perché ho l’esigenza di esprimermi. E che io faccia esperienza nell’ambiente con tirocini o altro non importa poi così tanto. L’ultima fase sarebbe quella di eliminare gli intermediari e andare a propormi personalmente. E a questo s’è lavorato.

Avevo lasciato che troppa polvere si accumulasse sui progetti artistici. Si sono ripresi in mano i fogli, s’è aperto il sito web e stampato nuovi biglietti da visita, s’è iniziato a parlare e registrare le riflessioni, si sono prodotti documenti cartacei dei lavori fatti negli ultimi anni, compreso un bel libretto di 150 pagine intitolato Una discussione sull’arte. Ora è arrivato il momento di lavorare a nuove opere, il punto di svolta del programma. Passare dal passato al futuro, impegnandosi da questo momento. Le cose da fare sono poche: puntare al giusto obiettivo e cioè puntare in alto, badare alla qualità e concretizzare.

Pochi giorni fa ho pensato che questo sarebbe un buon momento per far terminare la storia, sono stati raggiunti degli obiettivi e la vita inizia ad avere un senso. Potrebbe essere un buon finale. Ma il finale è sempre un punto d’arrivo nel quale le cose si sistemano in un certo ordine, proprio come all’inizio di qualsiasi storia, che parte ogni volta da una situazione ordinata. La fine e l’inizio dunque: ogni fine può essere un nuovo inizio. Questo momento potrebbe essere un finale ma certamente è anche un nuovo inizio.

È chiaro che ciò che scrivo è destinato essenzialmente a me, serve a fare il punto della situazione, capire chi sono, come evolvo e dove voglio andare.

Potrei interpretarlo come un segnale il fatto che questo riassunto sia stato pensato in frasi brevi, c’è così tanto da fare e non c’è tempo per scrivere papiri. Forse la storia comincia ad ingranare.

La musica che ha accompagnato questo mio anno è dei Sukima Switch e delle Puffy Ami Yumi.

L’attività fisica rimane la mia bestia nera, e trovo che sia un vero peccato.

Con l’inglese ci sto provando ma so di dover cambiare aria, è necessario.

Ho conquistato la fiducia di persone che stimo, ho amici che mi ispirano quotidianamente e che alimentano la grande forza di volontà che mi anima. Mi sento pieno e mi dico: “continua così”.

È arrivata l’ora di riflettere sui seguenti punti, ormai cruciali, perché cruciale è il momento attuale della mia vita: se continuerò a studiare lo farò all’estero, oppure potrei cercare un percorso diverso dalla carriera da studente, ma in ogni caso mi imporrò di farlo lontano da casa, per poter crescere, vedere ed imparare. E continuerò a disegnare! Di partire ho paura ma l’alternativa sarebbe peggiore, so già che lo è.

Se si hanno rimpianti del passato significa che in quelle occasioni non è stato fatto tutto il possibile. Qualunque cosa succeda io cercherò di non avere rimpianti come non ne ho ora, ce l’ho sempre messa tutta e continuerò a farlo, perché è l’unico modo che conosco per fare le cose come mi piacciono, mettendocela tutta.

SM