I arrived in London on Saturday April 14th. I took the train from Stansted Airport to Liverpool Street station and then the bus to Hackney where my friend Carlo was living. When I reached Carlo's house he was at the University and I waited for him until dinner time. My life in London was not begun yet.
The day after I moved to Leytonstone, at the student house where the BSC school had assigned a room to me. I was hungry so I went to the big Tesco round the corner. Shopping at the supermarket had not ever been so difficult. I was almost crying. I cooked something and I started to meet my flatmates, Pierre, Linda and other French assholes.
The very first day at school. School was difficult as well as living in London but I was really motivated because it was the dream that I wanted to do and I did not have time for thinking at anything else. I cannot forget the first teacher I met at school, Robert. He was the afternoon class teacher, my Grammar and writing class teacher. It was weird to interact with new classmates. They seemed so different from me. Some of them would become my close friends. At the beginning understanding Robert was not easy at all but seven weeks later I would become one of the Grammar Kings of his class.
My list of things to do during my period in London included:
Reaching the Advance level of English language and studying in order to take the IELTS exam;
Inquiring about Fine Arts courses at London universities;
Finding an internship or a job in the Arts sector;
Producing new artworks and trying to hold an exhibition;
Thinking about Pokémon as usual.
I started to deal with the Arts field at the Royal Academy joining the private view of The Red Mansion Art Prize 2012 where I met Zaha Hadid. I was invited by Giusy, one of the artists that exhibited their works and with whom I had worked three months before. A couple of days later I met her again at the screening of the movie Woman of the Dunes (Sunna no Ona, 1964) by Hiroshi Teshigahara at White Cube Bermondsey.
Living in Leytonstone was not easy, it was always raining and cold. In my room the bed was very uncomfortable as well as sloping ceiling. I cried while I was putting my clothes in the drawers. A week later I was completely alone at the screening of Dead Man's Shoes at White Cube Bermondsey.
After a while I started to receive bad outcomes by e-mail from those Art contests that I had entered before leaving Italy. However, my life in London was officially begun and I found a new life-rhythm even if it was raining every morning and that is why I got a cold.
May.
Staying with friends was better than staying alone but my cold became cough. I was trying to work hard to achieve my passion as I used to do but at the same time it was too much raining and one day at Kensington Gardens life got though. I devoted to new friendships. I had a long path behind but it seemed to be less important than what I had thought until then.
My life started to become a mess one afternoon outside the Saatchi Gallery. And it went worse and worse. Film screenings, talks, exhibitions, cinemas… till the day when I did not arrive at he exhibition that I wanted to join. I remained stuck in the Underground for the whole evening. I missed my home for the very first time.
Living in London was the hardest thing I had ever done in spite of thinking to have already done so many things in my life. I was ill and they were hard days. My life far from home was very fast and my health was not ready enough.
However, slowly slowly I had became less lonely. My new friends were interesting and even if I was not feeling very well, my desire to discover new things gave me energy. I got used to live in Leytonstone.
I went to Slough to visit my relatives. I felt at home with part of my family. I recovered energy and aunt Maria gave me several sandwiches before leaving their house. Going back to Italy was not the right thing to do, I was increasingly convinced.
I really liked my teacher Richard, the school and the way of teaching were excellent. They were better than what I experienced at Italian university. Homework were difficult and learning English would take a long time. By contrast, my English was getting better fast and one afternoon when I was busy doing homework I called my mom. I told her that I would have liked to stay at school a month more. I called my mom every day since the first day I had been in London and she knew every issue that I had faced so far.
I knew from the very beginning of my trip that I was not on holiday, I had always had the things-to-do list on my desk. My intention was to know as much as I could about Contemporary Art field and universities in London. I refused to stay out till late at night, it was not my only time to have fun in London, it was the sixth time I had been there. It was the city where I had interviewed an artist who had exhibited her works at the Royal Academy. Those evidence could no longer be ignored, I wanted to make clear to everyone who I was and why I was there. It became clear also to my mom and she told me that I could stay in London a month more.
And then Kana came. From the first day she was arrived I did my best to make her my friend.
Staying a month more, the right choice. However, many things must be done. To book and pay another month at BSC for instance, but most important I had to find where living until July. Meanwhile summer came and it help to be positive. Many things changed. Two months had gone by very quick and no-one of my goals had been reached. I had been at many exhibitions and it had been a pleasure to meet established artists. I went at the CSM MFA Interim Show as well. My friends started to know me but my plan was far from being completed and I felt frustrated.
At that time I had to forget my frustration for a while because, according to my teacher Richard and the Academic Director Sarah, I moved to another class. I joined the IELTS class! My knowledge of English was improving fast but obviously my first days in the new Intermediate Plus class were not easy. New friends to know, homework hardest than ever.
Fortunately, Sue and me were already good friends, we had been classmates for seven weeks in the Intermediate class. 친구, 문, 창문. She had to stay at school a month more and to find a new house just like me. I thought that my English was not good enough to call agencies and landlords and I asked her to help me. We looked for a house together. I spent a bit more than two weeks looking for a house with Sue. I really enjoyed that time. Springs turned into summer in London. My cold and cough had gone and I felt better. I felt well with my friends.
I visited several houses with Sue, I feel indebted to her. She called landlords and arranged appointments. Koreans are nice people, very kind and always ready to help the others. Finding two rooms in a single house was hard and we found a double room to share in Shepherd's Bush.
None of the contests that I entered gave me good news, the only good reason to go back home had vanished. The IELTS was still to be discovered and my career as an artist to be started. I had promise to many people that I would have reached my aim to enter a university in London and I could not give up. Staying in London was the only thing I could do. While the Queen was celebrating her Diamond Jubilee, cold and rain came back and we chose to live in Shepherd's Bush.
Shortly before moving to the new house I met Carlo. I was happy to meet him. The school had made me busy more than I thought and things to do were still a lot. I needed to think, I needed more time. Then I packed my luggages.
Sue had a party before leaving her house and she invited Kana. That night I talked with Kana and we had fun. That night Kana decided to have a party at her place a week later. The day after the party at Sue's place I left the student house in Leytonstone. In two months some flatmates went back home and new flatmates had arrived. Parties had been had, sink pipes had been broken and I lost time to speak with James the School Director. Damn fucking French assholes.
Sue moved to our new room a week later than me because of her previous house rent. My first week alone in the new room: I met the other two flatmates, Fabrizio, an Italian man from Milan into movies digital effects, and Mike, a guy from Manchester with an incomprehensible and demoralizing English accent. Soon I discovered that Shepherd's Bush is not the worst place in the world but at the same time it is not the best place to live. At the new house I did not have plates and cutlery but most important I did not have a duvet to face London's cold nights. A morning at school I looked cold, so Kana and his boyfriend Takeshi asked me what happened. That same day in the afternoon they invited me to their place to borrow me a duvet and cutlery. Since that day I could eat and sleep warm thanks to them and their kindness.
Friday came fast and the party at 92 Gloucester Ave. was successful. Mustafa was leaving and that was his last night in London. While a friend was going back home another came. Seah had been at school since the same day when Kana arrived and on that day she took a sit close to me. She still is an Architecture student in Busan (South Korea) but when she came to London she had already been in Bournemouth for nine months. She was going to stay in London for three months. We did not become friends until that night in Chalk Farm, who knows why? I decided to buy a notebook and learn Korean from her. It was at that time, after I had changed house and class that I realized I was living in London, definitely. Sue and me shared our new room from the middle of June and time went quickly.
European football Championship began. I spent an entire afternoon at the CSM Degree Show realizing my dream to go beyond the entry turnstiles of CMS King's Cross building. After a while I said goodbye to another friend and met other ones. I ate okonomiyaki at Chalk Farm, I was studying Korean spending lovely time with Seah. The Italian football team was reaching the Final match.
Two weeks later I joined the IELTS Intermediate Plus class the school moved me to the IELTS Upper Intermediate class. I lost my classmates for the second time. I was really proud of myself, I had shown to teachers that I am a really good student but unfortunately my new class was the less funny. Current level of English in the new class was so different from what I experienced in my previous two months at school. In addition my new classmates were significantly less friendly than all the previous ones and soon I felt tired to go to school.
Living in Shepherd's Bush was not easy at all. The place was boring and I did not feel at home. When I signed the contract I accepted to stay there for two months and it meant I must stay in that house one month more than I told to my family. I had not reached my dreams yet and slowly slowly I convinced my mom that once I would have finished the course I would managed to find a job.
The school was coming to an end and next I would have to get a job but in the meantime at home we were often without hot water, sometimes for several days in a row. Once I asked Carlo if I could take a shower at his place. He was at the City University studying for the day after final exam and he told me that the shower at the City University was better than at his place. He was right. At the City University there is the most comfortable shower that I have seen in London in five months.
Carlo told me that he wanted to go back to Italy in August but he had already booked his house in London until September. He asked me if I wanted to stay at his place between August and September. It had been difficult to convince my mom to make me stay in London more than expected. A month more at school and another month after the end of my course. And at that moment I would have to ask to stay until September, three months more than expected when I left Italy in April. It was not easy to take a decision but I felt I could achieve my goals easily in London and I took a risk booking Carlo's room until the beginning of September.
Italy lost the final match, I finished my course at school and it was always raining. Nights were cold and my habits changed, once again. The school was finished and I got excellent marks. Teachers wrote: he has made a huge amount of progress, he has worked extremely hard at improving his English and he can become a very effective English communicator.
To be honest getting good marks at school was just one of my many goals to achieve and three months had already gone. I felt weird thinking about people I wanted to know and I did not know if I would have seen them again. Summer seemed already off and days began to be long and confused.
From Italy one of the contest's staff wrote me that my work had been mentioned by the Jury. I had my artwork's picture published in the prize's catalogue. It made me happy but I had already booked my life in London for two months more. I called and I applied for a NINo. They booked me an interview a month later. I was wondering what I was supposed to do in that month. I was a bit confused but I plucked up courage. I would stayed other two months.
I wrote to White Cube gallery applying for an internship. I sent an e-mail to the Celeb on Sunday. I applied for a job at Frieze Art Fair 2012 and for an internship at SHOWstudio and ICA. Being in London was a unique opportunity and before becoming a waiter I thought it was better to try to find something in my field and that is why I contacted leading institutions of the Arts field (except Celeb on Sunday, but that is a long story…). After that I had to wait for a reply and it would have taken a couple of weeks.
Seah was the next to go back home and my friends around were increasingly less. At the meantime my birthday was approaching and I thought was a nice idea going back Italy for a week. So, I tried to book a flight online but strangely the debit card-payment was unsuccessful for three times. Sue left London for two weeks directed to Korea. Then I met Carlo who left me his house's keys and after a while he went back to Italy. I was in London, some of my closest friends were in their native countries and some others did not answer to my calls. I could not book a flight to go back home. I was trapped in Shepherd's Bush and I did not know what to do.
As usual talking with Carlo made me think. I found the strength in me to interpret his words. I did not feel happy so I decided to do the only thing that makes me happy. It was the reason why I had chosen to move to London. I decided to become an artist. I felt far from home, waiting for replies and I did not know if they would ever arrive. Moreover, I was living in a place that I did not like. THANK GOD. I called the only friend who could still trust me and my capacities and he accepted to work with me. My family kept supporting me, I gave them my trust.
Spending my days with Se-Mi helped me a lot. I stopped to talk about school and English, school was finished for me and I had improved my confidence with English. It was time to move on and show to everyone the artist that I am.
The sky took fire. I did not hesitate. I took my bag with me and went to the park every day for a week. I read what I did not read in three months, thought what I did not think in three months, wrote what I did not write in three months and burned my white skin as well. That corner in Regents Park where I had been with Carlo a year before became my favorite place in London, where my new artworks were born and finding inside of me I found the way to make me happy. I had recovered my smile. I worked really hard and I setted up a brand new exhibition project consisting of new artworks. Those artworks that I had chosen to make in London several months before now were completed. I was still waiting for the result of the last contests that I entered before moving to London. I got the response: I failed. It did not matter at all. I had already moved on and I felt myself far away from all those fucking Italian contests.
My birthday came and it began with all the british bells ringing.
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In London there were only my Korean friends and I spent a lovely day with them. I went at Tate Modern with Se-Mi visiting the Damien Hirst exhibition for the second time. It was amazing and it did not stop there: that night London 2012 Olympic Games opened. The Olympics opening ceremony on the same day of my birthday in the city where I was living. I do not know when it will happen again. That night I did not feel lonely. I felt at the heart of the world.
July was coming to an end. During a quick one-day tour in Slough, Eaton and Windsor I drank yet another hot chocolate. That night I met an Italian friend in Brick Lane. She came to London to stay a bit more than a month and work in Camden Town. Her name is Margherita. The next day another friend came from Italy to have a three days off in London. We spent three days together, it seems that I needed to stay with them but it still was not the right time to going back to Italy for me. Soon my friend went back home and I did not know yet when my time would come. I kept meeting Margherita and I had fun with her in Brick Lane, Camden, London Bridge and Holborn. Her senselessness still keep me curious.
And August came. Sue came back in London to start her university course. I went to join a four-hour queue to have a signature. We packed our luggages and moved to other houses. Sue went to Wimbledon and I went to Hackney at Carlo's place. I felt tired. I attended my interview and I got my NINo. Then I went back home because from that moment I would have been busy at the final part of my plan.
The house in Hackney is the best place where I lived during my five months in London. It was the first place where I slept when I arrived in April. It is the place where my friend Carlo had lived for a year. I felt good in Hackney. Four months in London made me not lost anymore and after two months in Shepherd's Bush Carlo's room seemed a nice place where live: a clean and tidy house with flatmates knowing a common good friend.
It was clear that I could do great things at Carlo's place and I did not waste time. I sent my exhibition project to a lot of people working in the Arts field. Some of them are the best in that field. Many people did not reply. The best in the field replied. LT, MB, PR, ST, DQ, PB. Those were really intense days spent sending emails from morning to night. However, knowing of being appreciated by those who had been the example to follow for many years sanctioned the effective achievement of my biggest goal.
Writing gave me strength. And I kept writing. I felt mad. But nothing had been so exciting in the previous four months. I arranged a meeting with Paolo. Then I met Haniya. The next day a piece of writing of mine about Damien Hirst was published on a magazine. Everything was almost done. It had been a long time since I met Art for the first time and it had cost me a lot of effort. I was hungry. I was almost broke. And my hair had became long. It was time to say goodbye and the first person of my list was still her. I attended the party at Turnpike Lane house and I stayed there till dawn. That night I conquered the right to know that the path chosen is the right one.
the final stage
Meanwhile I was on the train going back to Dalston from New Cross I understood that it was time to go back home. I was ready. My mission had been accomplished. And a new one could start: a new CV to write, a project to revise, people to meet and several contests to enter! I was ready to go back home and meet my family. Going back to my home to meet my friends and maybe her. Another friend was leaving London, ready to go back her home. She told me 포기하지마 - Never give up!
I putted a lot of stuff in a parcel and sent it to Italy. My three luggages were not enough anymore. I booked the flight. It was time to go back home. All of a sudden I received an e-mail! Frieze wanted to meet me to have an interview and offer me a job. I booked my future as usual. I had my last dinner in London, then I attended the interview. I went to Slough to say goodbye to aunt Maria. And finally I left London for real.
I am sorry but there is not enough time to write everything but I promise that I will keep in my heart every single moment lived in London for a long time.
My trip has been longer than it seems to be on calendar. It seems that I finally achieved my goals but at the same time I feel so lonely and far from the people that I love. I am scared of the future, it is so wide. It could be true that I am reaching my dreams and I am glad of that (it is hard to explain properly) but for the same reason I am afraid to disappoint myself.
I do not know exactly why but I miss her. While I was abroad thinking at her made me strong. I thought at all those moments when I felt loved by her and I am convinced it could still be the same if she was here, close to me. By contrast, sometimes she seems to be really far from me and I feel to do not know her anymore. If I do not know her I do not know me. It is like losing a part of mine.
Once at home I met my friends. One of them asked me about one of my oldest interests: Japanese anime. He invited me at his place to watch together the two Rebuild of Evangelion movies. Since we have finished highschool we met just a couple of time per year but it has been a pleasure for me to share a day with him. Sometimes it is possible to find something special where it is thought that there is nothing to find.
That day I found it. Actually I found it again, after a long time. You know, life is not easy and I have chosen to do something in the Arts field. The Arts field… is it something specific? I do not know it exactly but in the last few years Contemporary Art has been one of the only things that made me happy. It is happened that in a difficult moment I found my happiness visiting an exhibition. But that day, while I was watching at Evangelion movies I found something that I had forgotten. I felt that primitive emotion which a long time ago drove me to the Arts field. Hideaki Anno who has created Evangelion remembered me that relationships between people are the most amazing and surprising art ever. I remembered to have chosen to express myself through the artistic language in order to show everyone the most fantastic art in the world: love.
The next day Frieze Staff Coordinator wrote me: she offered me the position of Press Assistant at Frieze London 2012. You know guys, I want to work in the Contemporary Art field, I am just 24 and I will be paid by Frieze very soon. Do you know what Frieze is?
That is fucking enough. I have a fucking plane to take on Sunday morning and keep building my luck every fucking single day!
Please, keep following your dreams. No matter how insane or ridiculous they seem. YOU MUST FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
…cos I didnt forget Chinney!
Hope to write again soon.
Cheers.
sm
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