Love has not showed up

PLEASE download my annual PLAYLIST immediately! Enjoy a brand new .zip folder full of songs illegally taken from the internet! & read the 2013 End of the Year Post listening at them! 'cause lyrics explain more about my feelings than anything I could ever write!

I did great things this year. However, I have been sad most of the time. I travelled and met new friends but every time I was reaching my objectives I felt lonely. I went to bed alone every single night and I woke up alone every single morning. This year has been professionally rewarding and sentimentally depressing. My heart is a place where love has not shined this year. I felt melancholic, I felt nostalgic.

♫Komm, süsser Tod♫

So with sadness in my heart

I feel the best thing I could do

is end it all

and leave forever

whats done is done, it feels so bad

what once was happy now is sad

I'll never love again

my world is ending♫♪♫ 

I chose to walk alone but doing so I lost any landmark. I lost my coordinates. Reference points are so far away... sometimes I can not even see them. I have been in the dark, I felt in the dark.

♫When Will I See You Again♫

When will I see you again?

When will our hearts beat together?

Are we in love or just friends?

Is this my beginning or is this the end?♫♪♫ 

I spent summer at home, alongside my family :) It was lovely and I felt like I could recover from my moody depression. This is the wonderful place that I belong to.

♫Past, Present And Future♫

Was I ever in love? I called it love - I mean, it felt like love.
There were moments when, well, there were moments when.

(Present), Go out with you? Why not?
Do I like to dance? Of course,
Take a walk along the beach tonight? I'd love to,
But don't try to touch me, don't try to touch me
'Cause that will never happen again,
Shall we dance?

(Instrumental Interlude)

(The future), Tomorrow? well, tomorrow is a long way off.
Maybe someday I'll have somebody's hand.
Maybe somewhere, someone will understand.
You know I used to sing a-tisket a-tasket a green and yellow basket.
I'm all packed up and I'm on my way and I'm gonna fall in love,
But at the moment it doesn't look good
At the moment it will never happen again

I don't think it will ever happen again.♫♪♫

Italian summer, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

Then, in mid-September summer came to an end.

♫The Final Decision We All Must Take♫

In the end the final decision we all must take, make or break, 

will decide what will be and our destiny. 

If we lose the fight armageddon will finally tell, 

burn in hell, there will be no after, be no other day.♫♪♫

I flew to London for the third time this year to work at Frieze. Once back home I worked night and day on my applications for two schools but after having sent them to London I suddenly realized that the place where I was would have become soon the wrong place to be. There was nothing else to do at my home.

2013 - Travels

Jan 10 Firenze - Kibbun, Woo and I on the top of Firenze! just a lovely day! pic#1, pic#2

Jan 24-27 Bologna - Arte Fiera

Feb 17-24 London - open days

Apr 26-26 Roma - traveling with TalkingArt to meet #Trevisani #Bress #Giacconi #Stampone #Vetturi + a wild Tabor Robak appeared @ Palazzo delle Esposizioni…

May 6-12 Venezia - Toolkit Festival !!!

May 28-Jun 2 Venezia - Venice Biennale opening days!

Jun 11-21 London - open days and degree shows + Adham in the air 

Aug 29-Sep 1 Venezia - Marina Abramović's party!!

Oct 13-22 London - working at Frieze for the second year + Tabor Robak appeared again :)

& NOW WATCH two videos from some of the crews I escorted this year at Frieze!

>> Judd Tully Tours Frieze Masters @ BLOUIN ARTINFO [youtube] :D

>> The market for performance art @ Financial Times [youtube] :))

2013 - Best Exhibitions 

1 55th Biennale di Venezia - omg my first time at the Biennale opening days!!!

2 Farfromwords: car mirrors eat raspberries when swimming through the sun, to swallow sweet smells by Laure Prouvost @ Collezione Maramotti, Reggio Emilia - oh dear she won the Turner Prize!!

3 Twelve, wood, dolphin, knife, bowl, mask, crystal, bones and marble – fusion. Exploring materials by Evgeny Antufiev @ Collezione Maramotti, Reggio Emilia - dolphins & knives

4 Fault Lines by Allora & Calzadilla for Fondazione Nicola Trussardi @ Palazzo Cusani, Milano

5 EPI(DEIXIS) by Stéphane Blumer @ BY gallery, Milano

6 ISOMORPHOLOGY by Gemma Anderson @ EB&Flow, London

7 Sacco di lavoro by Hans Schabus @ Zero…, Milano

2013 - Best Works!

1 How Not To Be Seen. A Fucking Didactic Educational .Mov File by Hito Steyerl @ The Encyclopedic Palace - 55th Biennale di Venezia

2 Grosse Fatigue by Camille Henrot @ The Encyclopedic Palace - 55th Biennale di Venezia ♡ Joakim Bouaziz's voice!

3 The Failed Prophet by James Robertson @ Royal Academy Schools Show 2013, London

4 Ooh-oo-hoo ah-ha ha yeah by Jeremy Deller @ English Magic - British Pavilion 55th Biennale di Venezia

5 Hello Pal! by Mathias Poledna @ Austrian Pavilion - 55th Biennale di Venezia

Still from The Failed Prophet by James Robertson (2012)

2013 - some VIP & Artists I met and I'd like to mention

Orlan

Nicolò & Barbara

Hito Steyerl + Oliver Laric + Rhizome's Michael Connor + AFF + Yuri Pattison + omg i'm dying @ Palazzo Peckham

Loredana Longo & all the other friends I've met this year :)

Marina & Willem, again

Anish Kapoor @ Frieze Masters, sorry Anish I was with Judd Tully I will say hello next time xx

2013 - Published reviews and interviews

Thomas Saraceno/ Hangar Bicocca, Expanded view

Stéphane Blumer e l’analisi del linguaggio, Artribune.com

Stéphane Blumer, JulietArtMagazine.com

Gemma Anderson. Isomorphology, JulietArtMagazine.com

Il delfino mutante. Evgeny Antufiev, JulietArtMagazine.com

Ovidiu Hulubei: la storia si può cambiare, Artribune.com

Niente panico! Qui una guida alla galassia, Artribune.com

Don’t Panic! We Got a Guide to the Galaxy!, JulietArtMagazine.com

Attilia Fattori Franchini – Interview, JulietArtMagazine.com

Il Palazzo Enciclopedico, JulietArtMagazine.com

The Abramović Method, JulietArtMagazine.com

A sensory view of Italian Grand Tour. Laure Prouvost, JulietArtMagazine.com

On the Upgrade – WYSIWYG, JulietArtMagazine.com

2013 - Books I really appreciated reading (my summer readings)

Richard Feynman's QED: The Strange Theory of Light and Matter

Mumon's The Gateless Gate

2013 - Films I enjoyed watching and watching again and again and…

Fuck yeah! This year anime came to the big screen in Italy!

Sep 4 - Evangelion Night w/ Evangelion : 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone (2007) + Evangelion : 2.0 You Can (Not) Advance (2009) @.@

Sep 25 - Evangelion: 3.0 You Can (Not) Redo (2012) where is Ayanami?! (crying)

Nov 13 - BEST FILM I've watched this year: Wolf Children (2012) when a film makes me cry from the first minute, well, it must be the best one.

PLUS

on Nov 8 James Mangold's Knight and Day (2010) was on TV. Tom Cruise's badass attitude is everything (& Cameron Diaz).

and finally on a lonely but not sad evening I watched In the mood for love (2000) by my favourite of all time Wong Kar-wai.

her:

I didn't think you'd fall in love with me.

him:

I didn't either.

I was only curious to know how it started.

Now I know.

Feelings can creep up just like that.

Still from In the Mood for Love by Wong Kar-wai (2000)

2013 - Random best moments of the year

Jan 26 - Videoinsight® @ Pinacoteca Nazionale, Bologna!

Apr 4 - Asked to write a review of Ovidiu Hulubei's exhibition @ miart, Milano!

May 11 - Clubbing with the coolest artists from 2013 Toolkit Festival @ Venezia ♡

May 28-Jun 2 Every fucking single second spent in Venezia during the Biennale opening days ♡♡♡

Jun 28 - I thought it was good to send an e-mail to one of my favourite artists so before writing I checked her website. AND THERE WAS A PICTURE OF ME?!!! ☞ Kate Liston ♡

Jul 7 - Yoshiyuki Sadamoto drawn me Pen Pen!!!!!!!!!!!! @ Milano Manga Festival, Rotonda della Besana, Milano ☞ find Simone in this picture! :D

Jul 19 - IOCOSE Matteo introduced me to Marialaura Ghidini asking for a review of or-bits.com latest paper publication On the Upgrade – WYSIWYG!!! Much love to you guys :))

Aug 30 - went to the party of Marina Abramović in Venezia just to feel poor.

Sep 9 - a lovely summer day in Milano with Hyesung and Matilde :))

Oct 21 - and a lovely dinner at Strada with a beautiful view of Tower Bridge by night :)

2013 - six other unforgettable moments

Jan 25 - Masbedo performance @ Pinacoteca Nazionale, Bologna

May 25 - Pizza with Link Point guys @ Brescia

Aug 31 - TETTINA @ FORwART, Magazzini del Sale, Venezia (()) their work was brilliant (()) it totally got me (()) (()) (())

Oct ? - Nicola Lees offered me an earl grey @ Frieze London 2013 VIP Lounge. wot Y ?!?!

Oct 26 - took the IELTS guys ;) @ Reggio Emilia

Nov 19 - hanging around in Milano with artist friend Stéphane Blumer + Amanda Doran & Motoko Ishibashi | Flesh and Soul exhibition @ BYCR, Milano!

♫Everything you've ever dreamed♫

You can sail the seven seas and find

that love is a place you'll never see  

Passing you like a summer breeze  

You feel life has no other reason to be  

You can wait a million years and find  

That heaven's too far away from you  

Love's just a thing that others do  

What is love  

Till it comes home to you♫♪♫

Will I ever love again?

Things will happen in 2014.

Next time… A new beginning!

Still from Pocket Monsters Best Wishes! Ep#803 The Dream Continues! (2013)

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Italian summer, pt.3 - Summer notes

I started to go biking on March 31st.

I sent a twit to Serebii's Joe Merrick!!!

I unpredictably met the great mangaka Yoshiyuki Sadamoto!!!

Then, I even went to this year Pokémon Day.

On July 27th I turned 25! These are some of my birthday wishes that came true: ichi, ni, san, shi.

And these are two bonus songs from my recent summer vacation!

~ the 1989 worldwide #1 smash hit The Lambada performed by Kaoma

~ ポケモンかぞえうた

I would say that I like pretty much London even if I have conflicting feelings about it. I see London as a very chaotic city and everything goes very fast over there. Sometimes I didn't feel strong enough to live there.

However, if I look at all the things I did in the last years I see that applying to uni is the decision that makes more sense than anything else. Also, it is what I want the most, together with a girlfriend, easygoing and clever friends and traveling around the world.

Even though it's still warm I feel that summer is ending here at home and soon the flock of Gruccione birds that lived near my house in the last three months will be back migrating to Africa. 

I will be back in London instead, because it seems like I'm already back on board.

See you space cowboy.

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Italian summer, pt.2 - I wanted to see the whole world

In late August while I was spending a week on vacation I also wrote a letter to a person who knows me since I was a little child. Last time I had chance to meet her was last year. Again, I wrote about what I did in the last eight months and this is a sum-up of my letter.

Hello my dear,

hope you are well and everything is fine. I apologize for not having written to you in the past months. I went through a busy and tough time in my life.

At the moment I am spending a week on holiday in Liguria. As you might know my grandparents have a small apartment in Chiavari and I am staying here to take a rest after a couple of stressful months. This is a nice chance to write you a bit and to say that I am sorry if I did not call or write earlier.

If I am not wrong last time I wrote you it was from London. It was in February when I was there to visit a couple of schools. I've been traveling a lot since last year when I started to write reviews for magazines. I had to go around to see exhibitions and visit art fairs. I went to Bologna for a week, several times to Milan and Reggio Emilia and in April I even went to Rome for three days where I met three artists working in a museum. I recorded interviews with them for the art website I am used to contribute to. People started to contact me to review their exhibitions and I had several chances to meet established artists and people for the arts field.

In addition, in May I worked in Venice at a festival of emergent artists and after a couple of weeks I was back in Venice again as a journalist to visit and write on this year Venice Biennale. So, between May and June I spent almost twenty days in Venice. It was so rewarding to be invited at the opening of the Venice Biennale!

However, while I was traveling from my home to Rome, from Rome to Venice and so on, I started to feel bad. I felt lonely and I became a bit sad. It was like I was always with great people that I like very much but none of them was a friend of mine. I worked with them and I enjoyed that but every night when I was ready to go to sleep I was alone without a real friend close to me.

Actually, I met new friends and inspiring people but they often live in other countries. I am always in touch with them, sometimes my asian friends send me postcards and gifts from Korea or Japan but I am talking about that kind of friend that you can talk to when you are a bit sad. If your friends are living miles away what can you do? Do you know what I mean?

Regarding my old friends, it is sad to say but we became too different and now I find hard to share my interests and thoughts with them. This made me sad for a while, I felt increasingly alone.

This story ended in mid June when I went to London again and I visited the last university left on my list. That was a very uncomfortable trip because I even got sick. I do not know if it was because of the unpleasant London weather or just because I was sad and depressed but I did not feel well during I was staying there. I did not even enjoy to see my friends that I met in London last year. It was like we had become more acquaintances than friends…

That was a real turning point! In my heart I felt that it was the right moment to take a decision on my future. I needed it. I had visited all the schools I could visit and I had to choose one of them.

So, as soon as I got back home at the end of June I looked inside myself and I decided to do what I like the most. I started to work very very hard on my artworks because my final aim was and still is to work as an artist and hopefully to move to London for a couple of years if I will be good enough to enter one of my favourite art schools. I worked hard and I created lots of new interesting things! I will make a portfolio and finally I am going to apply more than one university within December.

Working at my home in Castelnuovo I recovered from sadness and loneliness. In the last two months I focused my attention just on my feelings. I really enjoyed staying at home close to my family. To be honest I had been away since last year when I spent six months abroad. Once back in Italy I started to travel again from here to there and I had never spent more then three weeks in a row with my family… I was enthusiastic and I wanted to see the whole world… I am still enthusiastic and I will definitely see the whole world but I also understood that sometimes I need to take a rest in Castelnuovo where I grew up and enjoy my time with my family that love me and always support me.

That's the clue I guess.

Recently, I also got some great news I want to tell you. I am going to end my vacation in Liguria earlier than expected because I got an invitation for a movie premiere at Festival del Cinema di Venezia starting next week! It will be a documentary about a very important living artist and it seems I got some good friend that managed to put my name on the VIP list.

But most important in October I will be back in London working at Frieze Art Fair as I did last year. They already confirmed my position at the Press Office. Frieze is one of the best three art fairs in the world and if they want to work with me because last year I did a good job I must be happy.

end of Part 2

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Italian summer, pt.1 - Once again, Carlo

A letter that I wrote to my friend Carlo was a nice chance to sum up what I've done this year so far. This is the English transcript of the most interesting parts of the email I sent him in early August.

Hey man!

Please, forgive me if I'm late writing this letter! I wanted to write earlier but recently I couldn't focus my mind on anything else but my work…

However, I decided to take a rest till late August and I'm going to send you an email as first thing. To be honest I wrote quite a lot but I hope it will be interesting to read it.

It's weird to think that last time we met it was more than a year ago while we were both in London. In these days last year I was moving for a month to your room in Brighton Road. I feel that I grew up a lot since that time…

When you wrote me last month I was in London, again. Actually, since I came back home last year in September I went back to London every two months to visit art schools and universities. In fact, this past June I visited the last university left on my list and the time for the big decision has come. 

Let me say that all the things I did in the last twelve months began in a lucky week in September 2012 when one of the three world's most important art fairs offered me a job (Frieze Art Fair London) and a painting of mine was selected for the annual exhibition of a Brooklyn-based non-profit institution called NurtureArt. Sending my first painting to America made me think I was doing great. However, the real turning point for my present and future professional career was working at Frieze London in October.

Frieze is one of those places where it does not matter how you got there but you know that in those five days of the year the best, the most important, the rightest people will be there. In the journalism field Frieze could be compared to The New York Times or BBC maybe… I don't know… you must know it better than me :)

Encouraged by my experience at Frieze I sent and actually got published some reviews of mine on a couple of Italian online art magazine and from then I started two regular collaboration: the first one is with Artribune (the most popular Italian news website which is based in Rome) and JulietArtMagazine.com, the newly born website of paper magazine Juliet.

I published about twenty reviews so far and I also went around in Italy to meet cool people. I've been to Padua, Turin, Bologna, several times to Milan and even Rome. Also in May I've been to Venice where I was the correspondent for JulietArtMagazine.com from this year Venice Biennale! To be honest, I lived that experience as a life achievement :)

However, that was the cool side. There was another less cool side. From October 2012 to May 2013 I never been at home for more than three weeks in a row, I was often on a plane to London or on a train to somewhere in northern Italy. I was surrounded by people and alone at the same time, always speaking to people older than me – sharing with them my interests – but none of them was actually a real friend of mine. So, I started to feel very lonely and that feeling affected me for a couple of months.

And it is not matter of money. I'm not paid for what I write but I knew that rule from the beginning and I accepted it when I decided to play this game. When I decided to postpone my application to uni in London because I did not feel ready as an artist I could not do anything else except investing my time in meeting people that could support my artistic career in the future. And I would say I've been successful, now people I was dreaming to work with write to me, know me, invite me, work with me as colleagues. This makes me happy and proud even if I can't have a regular salary.

In other words, while I was traveling I felt as I did not have any friend of mine interested in what I was doing. I'm not talking about those new friends I met, I mean one of those friends that have known me for a long time, since before the moment I started this new path. I almost don't know anything about my old friends' recent activities, none of them seems to be interested in contemporary art as much as I am anymore. Most of them found their places away from those subjects we studied at high school and university. From my point of view they seem to be far away from my nomadic and sometimes international experiences…

Sometimes I feel that the only two people that can understand my feelings are you and Martina. In my opinion we did better than the others and you even got a job on TV!

She has been around as well recently: Rome, Turin, France, and last month she moved to Switzerland. A couple of months ago we were at home, both back from our experiences abroad. We met and talked about what we did in the last year and a half. She understand me as no one else. And it might be the reason why my sense of nostalgia seemed to get strong since then. I felt sad thinking at those girls I hanged out with between London and Italy in recent times – I don't find them as much interesting as Martina was and still is.

However, she got a new swiss boyfriend. At the same time she couldn't find any proper job in Italy so she decided to move abroad. I knew she is brave and I wish her a very bright future. We promised each other to keep in touch.

Fuck off then! That thing made me feel very bad. Double fuck off! I'm not used to give up, so I put my ass on my bike and biking helped me a lot. For four months now I went biking every day, I lost four kilograms and now I feel better than ever. I got interested in fitness and I exercise at least a hour every day. Perhaps I just had to stop for a moment and listen to my body.

I am serene now. I never lost my enthusiasm but I must admit that sometimes it was hard to keep my mind focused on the right things to do! However, I am still on the track. I worked (and also suffered I'd say) a lot and the big moment has come.

I looked inside myself and I felt it was the moment. I did't write reviews for magazines for a while and in this past month I only focused myself on the creation of new artworks that I will include in my portfolio to apply to uni. Last week I also presented my works to an international curator that I've followed for many years now and I got positive feedbacks. I reached him through my activity as art journalist and now everything seems to make sense to me…

And here I am, back from a year-long full immersion but from today I'll be off at least till the end of August. The next deadline that I already have clear on my mind is next January when it'll be time to apply to the MA in Fine Art. That will be my ultimate test. If I will be successful I will achieve my aim and I will study in London from Sep 2014.

On the other hand, if my work won't be good enough to enter uni I won't be sad. I like to have a couple of B-plans that I like as well. Contemporary art is not just an interest anymore for me, it is the environment in which I breath and I know how to breath and I won't go away from it. But now I have to think step by step, I didn't get the IELTS yet and I will need it within January, so I got the next thing to do.

I could tell you thousands of other stories but the email is getting long enough, I guess. We didn't meet for such a long time! Forgive me if reading this email will take a bit more than usual. However, I know you like long letters and I needed to write all these things that I couldn't share with many people in recent times.

Before ending the letter, let me say that I agree with what you write in your email. I love Italy very much too. After my last wet summer in London I decided to spend this summer at home and you're right saying that our colorful Italian countryside is beautiful. I can see it every day while biking. Spending summer time in my native small village with my family helped my health, I'm sure.

end of Part 1

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Note on Mr. Hirst

Last night I was still awake thinking about what a friend of mine said a couple of days ago.
We were talking about my future when he suddenly said: "You want to become Damien Hirst".
That is a long story and most of people that will read these lines probably know why he said that.
So, last night I thought what becoming Damien Hirst could mean.
It means that I would like to make people think on what Art should be or not for more than twenty years.
It is at that specific moment Hirst did and still does Art.
He made people think about what Art is or can be or should be.

☺✌

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